Love or fear?

This last week has been interesting, to say the least.

Today, I'm sitting at home, burning off sick time because I honestly don't know how much longer I will have a job, or if I will even get paid for this sick time. You see, I work for a company that just got its hand slapped by the government, in a big way. In a they-no-longer-have-hands way. Or arms. Or legs. Or really any part.

It is unsettling, but I am at peace about it. Mostly because I was working towards leaving anyway. Since March, I've been working part time in addition to my full time job. In May, I decided I wanted to pursue that full time. But it seemed scary. And daunting.

Start my own business? I know nothing about that.

I started talking with people, asking questions, trying to make informed decision. I made a goal that by the end of August, I would have everything in place. All my ducks in a row. A perfect plan and timeline.

And then last week happened.

I worked crazy hours. I drank copious amounts of coffee. At one point, I had a small breakdown where I was laughing and crying at the same time because I had no idea which way to react. All for a company that I didn't really like.

And I realized, I can't wait until the end of August. Not because we need the money, but that is a motivating factor. But because too long I lived in fear. In practicality. My job was secure. Safe. I could "play" at starting my own business, because deep down inside I knew that I had a safety net. In short, I lacked faith that God would see us through.

I no longer have that safety net. And yet I know without a doubt in my body that this is what God has called me to. Just since yesterday, doors have opened that I didn't even know existed. He is blessing this and in His time. Not in my perfectly crafted timeline. Funny how that happens.

It's at this point that I have to give a shout out to my dear friend Karen. She has been praying for me, and specifically my job situation since last fall. That has meant so much to me and I know God listened to her petitions on my behalf.

So where does this leave me? Currently at my kitchen table in sweats. But good things are coming.

I leave you with a video I'm sure you've seen by now. Its applications are greater than just a job situation. And while it is very apropos for me at this moment, I think it applies to everyone. Are you living in love or fear?